Ladies and Gentlemen, another round of victim blaming….



 
Tom Joyner Offers Girls Advice on How Not to Get Raped (Sponsored by Proctor and Gamble Everyday): Is Rick Ross His Ghost Writer?
Friday, May 24, 2013 at 7:00AM The Blogmother

I have to wonder if someone who works for Tom Joyner hates him. Tom Joyner recently wrote an article about sexual assaults on college campuses and it is full of advice to girls about how not to get raped… plus a lot of advice that is probably going to send a few of his listeners to jail for sexual assault:

    "Your sons need to read this story and realize that right now they probably can say for sure they’d never sexually assault a woman, but in the wrong environment with the wrong crowd, with the wrong drugs and alcohol, they’re capable of anything. One night of “partying” can bring consequences that will last a lifetime.
    Your daughters should read the article too and be warned not to take any drugs or drink alcohol, especially at parties and clubs.  They should always attend functions with trusted friends and never be afraid to report a physical assault of any kind. Tom Joyner”

SO let’s see if little Johnny is a rapist, he can blame it on the alcohol, but if little Suzy is raped… she can blame it on herself for not using the buddy system. It couldn’t be that little Johnny is a morally bankrupt predator.

There’s more wisdom from Tom Joyner:
    But when drugs and alcohol are part of the equation, it’s even more complicated because the victim and the person perpetrating the act are probably both doing something they never would ordinarily do - Tom Joyner

Oh wow, the rape victim and the rapist bear equal blame for the rapist raping.
Oh there’s more:
    It’s more complicated than telling your son “no means no,” because some drugs will cause girls to consent. - Tom Joyner
*head explodes* Oh so an intoxicated or drugged person can’t sign contracts and can’t get married, but they have the capacity to “consent” to being raped.
In other words, men are not responsible for their own penises and at no time are men and boys responsible for raping girls. Apparently Mr. Joyner thinks it’s either the alcohol’s fault for making men  rape or the girl’s fault for taking drugs and tricking men into raping her or failing to walk around in public without an escort? No seriously, at least 5 people had to proof this post before it landed on Black America web. Surely SOMEONE was paying attention to the recent Rick Ross controversy and yet, they still published this?
As you know we’ve been criticizing Tom Joyner for bankrolling the lifestyle of Genarlow Wilson, a man who along with a few of his friends videotaped themselves having sexual intercourse with an unconscious 17 year old girl before they dumped her body on a random bathroom floor. Mr Wilson then went to an adjoining hotel room and passed around a 15 year old girl as a “party favor.”
This article explains a great deal about Mr. Joyner’s actions over the past 6 years.
And of course we did notice that the corporation that is paying to publish this rape culture propaganda is Proctor & Gamble.  Proctor & Gamble Everyday to be specific. Thanks P&G!

P.S. To girls who are reading this post, the person responsible for rape is ALWAYS the rapist. Don’t let anyone else make you think that you are responsible for the choices and decisions of a rapist. And yes, rape is a choice- it’s not something that a rapist accidently stumbles into unintentionally.

PPS To boys who are reading,  I would be offended by Tom Joyner basically saying that if you drink and do drugs you become violent predatory sex offenders.

This is the link to  Tom Joyner’s article, Reading, Writing and Rape? Sexual Assault On Campuses Must End:
http://blackamericaweb.com/120934/reading-writing-and-rape-sexual-assaults-on-campuses-must-end/

Ladies and Gentlemen, another round of victim blaming….

 

Tom Joyner Offers Girls Advice on How Not to Get Raped (Sponsored by Proctor and Gamble Everyday): Is Rick Ross His Ghost Writer?

Friday, May 24, 2013 at 7:00AM The Blogmother

I have to wonder if someone who works for Tom Joyner hates him. Tom Joyner recently wrote an article about sexual assaults on college campuses and it is full of advice to girls about how not to get raped… plus a lot of advice that is probably going to send a few of his listeners to jail for sexual assault:

    "Your sons need to read this story and realize that right now they probably can say for sure they’d never sexually assault a woman, but in the wrong environment with the wrong crowd, with the wrong drugs and alcohol, they’re capable of anything. One night of “partying” can bring consequences that will last a lifetime.

    Your daughters should read the article too and be warned not to take any drugs or drink alcohol, especially at parties and clubs.  They should always attend functions with trusted friends and never be afraid to report a physical assault of any kind. Tom Joyner”

SO let’s see if little Johnny is a rapist, he can blame it on the alcohol, but if little Suzy is raped… she can blame it on herself for not using the buddy system. It couldn’t be that little Johnny is a morally bankrupt predator.

There’s more wisdom from Tom Joyner:

    But when drugs and alcohol are part of the equation, it’s even more complicated because the victim and the person perpetrating the act are probably both doing something they never would ordinarily do - Tom Joyner

Oh wow, the rape victim and the rapist bear equal blame for the rapist raping.

Oh there’s more:

    It’s more complicated than telling your son “no means no,” because some drugs will cause girls to consent. - Tom Joyner

*head explodes* Oh so an intoxicated or drugged person can’t sign contracts and can’t get married, but they have the capacity to “consent” to being raped.

In other words, men are not responsible for their own penises and at no time are men and boys responsible for raping girls. Apparently Mr. Joyner thinks it’s either the alcohol’s fault for making men  rape or the girl’s fault for taking drugs and tricking men into raping her or failing to walk around in public without an escort? No seriously, at least 5 people had to proof this post before it landed on Black America web. Surely SOMEONE was paying attention to the recent Rick Ross controversy and yet, they still published this?

As you know we’ve been criticizing Tom Joyner for bankrolling the lifestyle of Genarlow Wilson, a man who along with a few of his friends videotaped themselves having sexual intercourse with an unconscious 17 year old girl before they dumped her body on a random bathroom floor. Mr Wilson then went to an adjoining hotel room and passed around a 15 year old girl as a “party favor.”

This article explains a great deal about Mr. Joyner’s actions over the past 6 years.

And of course we did notice that the corporation that is paying to publish this rape culture propaganda is Proctor & Gamble.  Proctor & Gamble Everyday to be specific. Thanks P&G!

P.S. To girls who are reading this post, the person responsible for rape is ALWAYS the rapist. Don’t let anyone else make you think that you are responsible for the choices and decisions of a rapist. And yes, rape is a choice- it’s not something that a rapist accidently stumbles into unintentionally.

PPS To boys who are reading,  I would be offended by Tom Joyner basically saying that if you drink and do drugs you become violent predatory sex offenders.

This is the link to  Tom Joyner’s article, Reading, Writing and Rape? Sexual Assault On Campuses Must End:

http://blackamericaweb.com/120934/reading-writing-and-rape-sexual-assaults-on-campuses-must-end/




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A Black Woman Surviving Rape




My blog is for BLACK WOMEN ONLY AND THE BLACK MEN WHO SUPPORT US. And it is from a black woman’s perspective. This is my own personal space where I can write and re blog thoughts, ideas and other people’s experiences and experiences as a black woman surviving rape in my own community.

This blog is my safe place. For years I have looked for places like this and I never found it so I had to create one for myself. This is for black women who are surviving rape. This blog is for black men who support black women who are surviving rape.

This blog is not for white women who find comfort in my words or thoughts. But this blog is strictly for black women who are rape and abuse survivors. Everyone else has their own safety net except for us so I will be making this our safety net..





I go by the name Golden Rays; I am a survivor of molestation, domestic violence and multiple rapes. I was 17 when I was raped the first time, I knew him, and he was my boyfriend. The relationship turned out to be violent and he raped me on a daily basis to get me pregnant on propose. The second time I was raped it was a friend, I reported that rape. I spent hours getting a rape kit done and talking to an insensitive police officer who then had the audacity to ask me if I thought it was selfish not to give him (the monster who raped me) oral sex. I then had 1 more rape after this (I was drugged with GHB) and 2 more sexual assaults (it didn’t lead to rape). I am 27 years old now and 21 years of my life I have been mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abused. I had down played a lot of what happened to me. Unfortunately right now I am in the healing point in my life and I am starting over in recovery which has been the hardest thing that I have ever done. I also struggle with complex PTSD, Vaginismus and Bipolar Disorder (rapid cycling). I am a happily married mother of a 3 year old daughter (work full time). I've been with my husband for 10 years now and I’m happy to say that I married my best friend. I’m writing this blog because I’m tired of holding my feelings in without people asking me if I’m ok. I’m writing this blog because even though I am a survivor of all the things listed above, I am also a black woman. When I went to find people to talk to about my past, I couldn’t find one black woman who was willing and open enough to talk about the secretes that we hide. That is one of the things that have made healing so much worse for me. The books out there specifically for black women are few and far between. (I am in no way saying that rape has a color or a gender to it, I am not saying that other women’s rapes are less important than anyone else’s). It was hard for me to find counseling (I would always end up trying to explain my culture background to my therapists more than the assaults itself, no one could really understand what it’s like to be a black woman, which is totally understandable). I had bought the books that were out there and read them over and over until I had felt like I had the words memorized, it was as if I had wrote them, I had read them that much. But it wasn’t enough, I had always felt like I was the only black woman who has been raped (I know it’s not true though), I felt like it was just me against the world. I got tired of being one of 2 black women in support groups, I felt alone. I'm writing this blog because the black community has its dark deep secrets. We don’t stand up for each other, especially when it comes to the abuse and rape of each other. We always blame the victim. We tell our daughters who have been molested by their mothers’ boyfriends, by their uncles, by their fathers and brothers; we tell our sons who have been molested by their fathers, their uncles, their mothers boyfriends that it’s their fault. That they shouldn’t have been “fast”, that they shouldn’t go around “looking like a hutchie” that they shouldn’t be talking to older men because we give them the wrong idea. We blame our children for their rapes and molestations. We take the predators side, oh well they couldn’t have done that. We tell our boys and young men and men that if a woman has raped you then you must have wanted it. As a whole we have no sense of how our own damn body reacts to sexual stimulation . That having an erection doesn’t mean consent no more than being wet is an answer to yes. We drill into their heads that because an older woman has hit on them and made sexual advances it’s okay when it’s not. He’s a good person, or well he didn’t do it, he goes to the church. HE GOES TO THE CHURCH???? We hide behind the church and the bible to protect the monsters walking our neighborhoods. As if going to church makes you innocent. We ignore our children when they come crying to us, we tell them to stop crying, suck it up, it’s happened to us before (as if that makes it okay, as if us being molested as children makes it okay and excusable for our children to go through the same hurt and abuse). We are emotionally unavailable and distant as a community. We pay more attention to LiL Wayne and Beyoncé than we do to our own damn kids. And that’s sad, horrible and heartbreaking. We silence our women when they speak up about being hit and abused. We tell them to go to church, we shun them for seeking therapy, and we banish them from the community when they point a finger at the “brotha” who hurt them. We tell our black women that they are bringing down men every time they report a rape and abuse and we don’t stand by their side. That’s what we are doing and no one gives a damn about it. We are dying; we are killing ourselves by keeping pain inside. We don’t have to keep holding on to the pain, we don’t have to carry that burden with us, and we don’t have to feel ashamed anymore. We can talk about it, it’s okay, and you’re not the only one out there who’s going through it alone. This blog is for BLACK WOMEN And it is from a black woman’s perspective.



A Little Girls White Dress
My white dress has been
Covered in blood.
My beautiful white dress has been
Beaten so much
The back is ripped and its
Seam is torn.
My sparkly white dress is
Smudged whit unearthly prints
And stains that cannot be
Removed.
My innocent white dress was ripped
Apart into pieces and
Carelessly put back together again.


I’ve tried to burn it, drown it
Pour alcohol on it to set on fire
And it still finds its way to the
Front of my closet
Dirty, fire stains, muddy, smeared with
Blood reeking
Of Jack Daniels, holding on by
A thread.


Sitting in front of what use to be
My white dress, I scream, I bellow
And finally I cry.
Realizing the blood, the torn seam
Smudges and pieces were only visible
To me.


The damage I had done to my own
White dress can be fixed,
Even if I can't get the blood out.
©Golden Rays